Coping with COVID

If there’s one thing that God has taught me or is teaching me through this season of being home is that it’s alright not to have it all together. It’s okay to question and doubt. It’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes you just need a good crying session because life is falling apart.

We are going on 9 weeks of being stuck at home and I’m surprised that I actually haven’t snapped yet. LOL Well that’s a lie. I might’ve snapped a few times by myself alone in my room. You see when this whole pandemic first started of course I was concerned but didn’t really think too much about it until it hit home. The end of March my mom was getting really sick. Sick to the point where she was showing symptoms and needed to get tested and checked out. Everything happened way too fast in my opinion that left my head spinning trying to process everything. Within a week from her first getting sick she ended up being admitted to the hospital.

Let me just say if you have been following me for any time now you know my personality is that it takes me time to process and in this situation I really didn’t have any time to. Mom was in the hospital for 12 days and let’s just say for me it was probably just as much hell as it was for her. My anxiety went through the roof and I wasn’t eating or sleeping really well either. I was really torn up inside. Slowly I was falling apart.

Of course I had the support of my friends and family but I really felt all alone. I was trying to be strong but it was killing me. The one thing that I needed and wanted the most, I couldn’t have. My heart ached and longed for the hugs of my friends, the support and just having them right there with me. It really killed me inside that it wasn’t possible to have anyone over. Now I had facetime and all but it wasn’t the same. I was scared, lonely and angry. I don’t think I felt this alone before in my life.

Now I know what you are thinking, Grace aren’t you a Christian? Don’t you know that God is with you? Don’t you know He is good? You just have to trust Him. You need to snap out of this mood. You shouldn’t be stressed or worried because He is in control. While I know all this and I wish I could say that I really believed it to be true but than I would be lying to you and to myself. I didn’t understand why this was happening. How could God allow this? I knew the truth and I knew that He is good but right now, in that moment I just couldn’t feel it. I really felt like a bad Christian for even thinking these thoughts and doubting. I beat myself up because I felt like I should’ve had bigger faith. I felt like a failure for having my emotions and feelings. Honestly it got to the point of me just wanting to give up and walk away. I needed a break.

I reached out to a few friends and my mentor. They all reminded me of the same thing. It’s okay to feel these things. It doesn’t change the fact that I am still a daughter of the King. It shows that I am human and my feelings were valid. This was just a season that I was going through. It would pass but until then it was okay to fall apart. Just don’t stay like that.

My mom got better and was released from the hospital on Easter Sunday. I thought with having her back home things would start to look up and get better. I was so wrong. Just when things couldn’t get worse they did. That Sunday night after getting mom settled I felt really sick, fever and chills, sick in my stomach. I just thought it was the stress and everything catching up with me. I was feeling better the next day. However, I had a cough that had been lingering since the middle of February so the doctor wanted me to go get an x-ray to make sure nothing else was wrong. I went that Thursday and that’s when things took a turn for the worst.

My x-ray showed something on my one lung that looked like pneumonia that came from COVID-19. I needed to go get tested again. Over the weekend, I was super concerned about the test results. Sunday night I had a really uneasy feeling. I felt like something was wrong and that the results were going to be bad. At first, I just thought that I was letting my head get the best of me but something in my gut was telling me it’s not good. I started spiraling fast and reached out to Kaitlyn. She called me that night and prayed for me. I felt better and had some peace about it. Monday I find out that my results came back positive.

So once again started being isolated in my room and upstairs. For like 2 weeks I was stuck upstairs by myself. It was definitely an interesting journey to say the least. My emotions and anxiety was off the scale. I was overwhelmed and just wished and prayed that I would wake up and this all be a huge mistake and nightmare. However that wasn’t the case. The loneliness was real friends. I’m an introvert at heart but the alone time was almost more than even I could stand. 

There were multiple times where I cried myself to sleep or didn’t sleep much at all. I would pray, listen to worship music and just think. It was super hard to not let my thoughts and emotions and feelings go to my head. All the what ifs and why me scenarios were coming to my mind.

One thing God taught me through that time was it was okay to feel. It was okay to not be okay. Everything was falling apart but it brought me closer to Him.

While I am on the mend and pretty much over this whole virus. I really have been struggling with finding a new normal. Finding new rhythms and routine. My perspective on a lot have changed and I am learning new things everyday. The most important thing is that I have been pressing into Him more and more through all of this. I just want to show up and let God work through me. Work through this one hot mess express.

My encouragement for you is this. I know this season is hard on everyone. There are so many opinions out there over this whole pandemic. While I am not trying to diminish anyone’s feelings I would like to say as someone who was hit hard with COVID within my family don’t take the little things for granted. We will get through this season together with God’s strength. Use this time to grow closer to Him. Just show up and be the real authentic you. When you do it’s amazing how God can use you. Just be willing to be used.

Read the Bible in a Year or Not?

One of the goals that I set for myself last year in 2018 was to read the Bible through in a year. I was pretty consistent and kept up with it until about March. Life happened and while that is still no excuse I fell behind and just got discouraged so I gave up. Fast forward to 2019 and I set the same goal again. This year I was determined not to get behind and really keep up with it. I even bought one of the chronological journaling/coloring Bibles to help me stay focused. Well, I managed to keep up for the first month despite getting sick with the flu twice. While it was good, I kept feeling like God was telling me to stop.

Now first off I’d like to say that I’m not out to offend or bash you if you decide to read the Bible through in a year. I think it’s great. Many of my friends do and I support that 100%. However, take into consideration the why behind reading it.

Are you reading the Bible just so you can say you did it and cross it off your list or are you reading the Bible to learn and open your heart to what God has to say and learn? 

My word for the year is INTENTIONAL! I want to have all the right intentions for why I read my Bible. I started feeling like I had to read my Bible just so I can cross it off my list. It was like checking off the box for the day. I wasn’t fully digging deeper and thinking about what I was reading. It’s kinda like just going through the motions because it was the right thing to do. That’s when I heard God speak to me.


Grace, I want you to stop trying to read your Bible through in a year. I want you to start reading it so I can speak and teach you. Stop and pause, write down what you are learning and all the truths I have for you that are in my Word. 


WOW, thank you for bringing this to my attention God! I want to read my Bible because I want to know you more and continue to grow not because I want to check it off my list each day.

If you are wanting to grow and really read your Bible to learn I am going to share with you a few practical tips of what I am doing in hopes that it will encourage you. While each of us will take away different truths from the Bible and what we read here are what I think will help you.

  1. Start with Prayer- Prayer is important and by starting with it we are asking God to open our heart, soul, and mind to what He has for us and how we can learn and grow from what we are reading.
  2. Journal – Be sure you have a journal or some sort of notebook or paper handy. As a writer I love words and by writing it helps me process. Write down questions, verses, or anything that comes to mind while you are reading and studying.
  3. Worship Music – I love having worship music playing in the background. It just helps set the mood. Music speaks to my soul and it just calms me down. Right now I am loving the new album Follow You Anywhere by Passion Music. It’s my jam and pretty much is playing nonstop.
  4. Coffee – Okay you really don’t need coffee but it definitely helps.

While I want to be able to give you 1-2-3 steps and tell you that if you do that it will be easy but I can’t. We are all on our own unique journey of faith. I would love to hear your thoughts about this topic. Feel free to comment or send me a message.

No Matter What We Need GOD

✨May I never forget on my best day, that I still need GOD as desperately as I did on my worst!⠀

When I came across this quote I knew that I wanted it to be a reminder. You see, we tend to search and pursue God when we are having a bad day and then when things get better we tend to push it aside. My friends that’s not good. ⠀

We need to be pursuing and searching after GOD every day in any circumstance. ⠀

In the good!⠀
In the bad! ⠀
In the messy!⠀
In times of joy!⠀
In times of sorrow!⠀
In times of pain!⠀
In times of rejoicing! ⠀

The truth is that in all circumstances no matter what we need GOD!! ⠀

He wants all of us. I’m so passionate about being vulnerable, honest and real with you. We need to be authentic. ⠀

I’m not perfect! ⠀
I’m just like you. ⠀
I’m a sinner saved by grace. ⠀
I make mistakes. ⠀
I have my share of bad days. ⠀

But one thing I can say is that through it all I know that I need GOD. I need Him every day of my life not just on the good days and not just on the bad but every day. ⠀

So I want to encourage you, that no matter what season or circumstance you are facing right now, run to Jesus. Pursue Him because He is the only thing that will get you through. ⠀

What Ifs, Even Ifs, It’s Okay, & Life

Wow! I can’t believe that the last time I posted was on Memorial Day. This summer is flying by. I really hadn’t intended to take this long of a break. I just wanted you to know that I hadn’t forgotten about you. 

Truth is life has been crazy and rough. I know, you are probably thinking “here we go again”. Yes, I admit that it has been my go-to phrase lately, but I’m not looking for attention or wanting you to feel sorry for me.

If I am honest, sharing this part of my journey and story with you makes me feel very vulnerable. It’s scary sharing personal parts of yourself with others. Truth is God has been working and speaking into my life and I just had to share it with you. 

Many of you know that I struggle with chronic health issues. It’s a part of my life that I share about from time to time. Living with these health issues has taught me a lot. There are so many stages that I’ve gone through. There are so many questions that I have asked God over and over again. I’ve been sad, depressed, hurt, and angry. Questions I’ve demanded an answer that never came left me even more confused. 

It’s taken a lot of time but recently God revealed to me something that changed my whole perspective.

You see there’s a lot of uncertainty in life. More so when you throw chronic health issues on top of that. One thing that I struggle with is the fact that because of my health issues it affects my hormones. I’m on hormone replacement because my body doesn’t make them on my own. If you know anything about hormones then you would know that it can cause all kinds of emotions. Even more so for women. 

I came across this quote. “what if” = fear “even if” = faith ⠀

Wow, what a powerful reminder! That quote right there hit me hard. I don’t know about you but for me, there has been a lot of “what if’s” lately in my life. ⠀

I’ve been in this hard season searching and asking God all my “what if” questions.

What if I never get married?⠀
What if I never have kids? ⠀
Wha if my health is never restored? ⠀
What if I never get a job? ⠀
What if my dreams never come true? ⠀

It occurred to me that all of these questions were my fears of the future and fears of the unknown. The enemy was using these against me. Instead, I need to think that “even if” this happens I still will have faith. ⠀

Even if my dreams don’t come through. ⠀
Even if my health is never restored.⠀
Even if I never get married.⠀
Even if I never have kids. ⠀
Even if my dreams never come true.⠀
Even if I never get a job. ⠀

I will still have faith and trust God. I will still praise and worship Him because He is still good. So I want to encourage you today to start taking those what if’s and turning them into even if’s. Take heart friends, Jesus loves you and He is still good.

If you’ve been following me for a while or know me in person you will know that I am super passionate about being there for everyone else. I have learned that faking being okay is easier than letting people know how you really are feeling.

Well, my friends, God has been slowing revealing to me that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not talking about complaining or always dumping your problems on others. What I am talking about is sometimes being the strong one who’s always there for others sometimes need people to be there for them. Just don’t let it consume you to the point of it defining your purpose or life.

I don’t like complaining or dumping all my problems, fears, desires and life on others. I’d much rather be the one who’s helping others through this life. Call it my stubborn nature lol 😛 you know the type, independent not wanting to admit you need help for fear of getting judged or hurt. That has happened way too many times in my life. More times than I’d like to count.

It wasn’t until recently in the last couple months or so that I started slowly letting people in. God was working on my heart. He was revealing to me that I needed my friends and Him to help walk me through this hard season of life.

Then yesterday at church God confirmed to me that it’s okay not to be okay all the time. During worship as I was singing and praying about all these questions, I went up to the altar to pray. I wasn’t looking for someone to pray with me I was just looking for some time with Jesus.

As I prayed and cried a very sweet friend came to pray with me. It really touched my heart. Her prayer over me just confirmed what God was telling me. He was speaking to me about being more vulnerable and willing to admit I need prayer. Admit that it’s okay to ask others to come alongside you when you are feeling weak and broken down.

It goes back to that quote I shared. The fears of the what-ifs that turn into the faith of even-ifs. They all tie in together. When you take those fears to God and share them with your friends together you can find the faith to endure.

Even if my health isn’t restored I will still praise my God. He is the center of my life. He is still good.

MY WHAT IFS DON’T DEFINE WHO I AM IN HIM!!!!!!

There will be days when I am not okay but you know what? It’s okay!

Blessings, Grace Mae ❤