Coping with COVID

If there’s one thing that God has taught me or is teaching me through this season of being home is that it’s alright not to have it all together. It’s okay to question and doubt. It’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes you just need a good crying session because life is falling apart.

We are going on 9 weeks of being stuck at home and I’m surprised that I actually haven’t snapped yet. LOL Well that’s a lie. I might’ve snapped a few times by myself alone in my room. You see when this whole pandemic first started of course I was concerned but didn’t really think too much about it until it hit home. The end of March my mom was getting really sick. Sick to the point where she was showing symptoms and needed to get tested and checked out. Everything happened way too fast in my opinion that left my head spinning trying to process everything. Within a week from her first getting sick she ended up being admitted to the hospital.

Let me just say if you have been following me for any time now you know my personality is that it takes me time to process and in this situation I really didn’t have any time to. Mom was in the hospital for 12 days and let’s just say for me it was probably just as much hell as it was for her. My anxiety went through the roof and I wasn’t eating or sleeping really well either. I was really torn up inside. Slowly I was falling apart.

Of course I had the support of my friends and family but I really felt all alone. I was trying to be strong but it was killing me. The one thing that I needed and wanted the most, I couldn’t have. My heart ached and longed for the hugs of my friends, the support and just having them right there with me. It really killed me inside that it wasn’t possible to have anyone over. Now I had facetime and all but it wasn’t the same. I was scared, lonely and angry. I don’t think I felt this alone before in my life.

Now I know what you are thinking, Grace aren’t you a Christian? Don’t you know that God is with you? Don’t you know He is good? You just have to trust Him. You need to snap out of this mood. You shouldn’t be stressed or worried because He is in control. While I know all this and I wish I could say that I really believed it to be true but than I would be lying to you and to myself. I didn’t understand why this was happening. How could God allow this? I knew the truth and I knew that He is good but right now, in that moment I just couldn’t feel it. I really felt like a bad Christian for even thinking these thoughts and doubting. I beat myself up because I felt like I should’ve had bigger faith. I felt like a failure for having my emotions and feelings. Honestly it got to the point of me just wanting to give up and walk away. I needed a break.

I reached out to a few friends and my mentor. They all reminded me of the same thing. It’s okay to feel these things. It doesn’t change the fact that I am still a daughter of the King. It shows that I am human and my feelings were valid. This was just a season that I was going through. It would pass but until then it was okay to fall apart. Just don’t stay like that.

My mom got better and was released from the hospital on Easter Sunday. I thought with having her back home things would start to look up and get better. I was so wrong. Just when things couldn’t get worse they did. That Sunday night after getting mom settled I felt really sick, fever and chills, sick in my stomach. I just thought it was the stress and everything catching up with me. I was feeling better the next day. However, I had a cough that had been lingering since the middle of February so the doctor wanted me to go get an x-ray to make sure nothing else was wrong. I went that Thursday and that’s when things took a turn for the worst.

My x-ray showed something on my one lung that looked like pneumonia that came from COVID-19. I needed to go get tested again. Over the weekend, I was super concerned about the test results. Sunday night I had a really uneasy feeling. I felt like something was wrong and that the results were going to be bad. At first, I just thought that I was letting my head get the best of me but something in my gut was telling me it’s not good. I started spiraling fast and reached out to Kaitlyn. She called me that night and prayed for me. I felt better and had some peace about it. Monday I find out that my results came back positive.

So once again started being isolated in my room and upstairs. For like 2 weeks I was stuck upstairs by myself. It was definitely an interesting journey to say the least. My emotions and anxiety was off the scale. I was overwhelmed and just wished and prayed that I would wake up and this all be a huge mistake and nightmare. However that wasn’t the case. The loneliness was real friends. I’m an introvert at heart but the alone time was almost more than even I could stand. 

There were multiple times where I cried myself to sleep or didn’t sleep much at all. I would pray, listen to worship music and just think. It was super hard to not let my thoughts and emotions and feelings go to my head. All the what ifs and why me scenarios were coming to my mind.

One thing God taught me through that time was it was okay to feel. It was okay to not be okay. Everything was falling apart but it brought me closer to Him.

While I am on the mend and pretty much over this whole virus. I really have been struggling with finding a new normal. Finding new rhythms and routine. My perspective on a lot have changed and I am learning new things everyday. The most important thing is that I have been pressing into Him more and more through all of this. I just want to show up and let God work through me. Work through this one hot mess express.

My encouragement for you is this. I know this season is hard on everyone. There are so many opinions out there over this whole pandemic. While I am not trying to diminish anyone’s feelings I would like to say as someone who was hit hard with COVID within my family don’t take the little things for granted. We will get through this season together with God’s strength. Use this time to grow closer to Him. Just show up and be the real authentic you. When you do it’s amazing how God can use you. Just be willing to be used.

Birthday Reflection

There’s a lot that I would like to say today but I’m going to do my best to keep it from turning into a novel. Lol 😂 ⠀

I’d like to take some time to reflect back over this year since tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be turning 24.⠀

I can’t say that this year wasn’t hard. ⠀
I can’t say that I was always happy.⠀
I can’t say that nothing went wrong.⠀
I can’t say I had perfect health. ⠀
I can’t say that my life was perfect.⠀
I can’t say that I didn’t make mistakes. ⠀
I can’t say that it was the best year of my life.⠀
I can’t say that I didn’t let people down. ⠀

You see just like you, I struggle with hard things. Just because I’m focused on this ministry/blog that God has called me to doesn’t mean I’m perfect and have it all together. In fact, I’m far from having it all together. Most days I’m a hot mess no makeup and hair a mess. I might not be perfect but I can be authentic.

What I can say is this!⠀

I can say that my faith grew stronger.⠀
I can say that God never failed me.⠀
I can say that even through hard times I made it.⠀
I can say that my health issues don’t define me.⠀
I can say that God loves me.⠀
I can say that I’m a child of the King.⠀
I can say that I made new friends. ⠀
I can say that I’ll be alright with God’s help.⠀
I can say Jesus is my everything! ⠀

This year brought me closer to God. I made new friends for which I am so thankful and blessed. I’ve continued to grow the friendship with my current friends and I’m looking forward to what 24 will bring me.

If there is one thing that I learned again this year it’s that God uses super-hard seasons to bring you closer to Him. He uses people in your life that will come alongside you and walk this journey with you. This year has brought a lot of depression and me asking God why so many times.

However, I’m so incredibly blessed to have a wonderful group of supportive friends that will pray for me, love me, help me grow in Christ and most of all just be my friend. I have amazing parents who are always there for me no matter what.⠀

So today I chose to look back and spend my last day as 23 clinging to all the promises and truths God has for my life. I’m excited and scared at the same time to see what 24 will bring me. 

TRUST…Even in the Hard!

Deep breath, it’s all going to be okay. I just gotta keep trusting. At least that is what I keep telling myself every day. This past weekend I attended my local IF GATHERING women conference. The whole theme was on trusting God. Can I just say that the messages of the speakers just hit hard with me and convicted me? Well, that was definitely the case.

Trusting God is something that I say all the time but am I REALLY trusting Him?  

It’s not always easy to trust God especially when circumstances are hard and you feel like you are drowning but it is always worth it to trust God. My own life has been filled with more hard, dark times than one 23 years old should have to deal with and still I haven’t lost my faith. Okay I lied, I’ve questioned it several times but haven’t completely lost it.

The words “am I trusting God?” really hit me hard and it made me stop and think. Wow, what a stab to the heart. I was convicted. You see I say that I trust God because I really want to but the question is am I willingly placing my trust in Him?

It’s not easy to trust God at times especially when circumstances seem to be shaking my faith to the core. Even when life hits me so hard I want to trust God but my own human side of me doesn’t understand why. You see when we are faced with hard, dark times and seasons of hard circumstances it’s so easy to ask God the question of where are you? I know from personal experience that I’ve asked this question more times than I’d like to admit.

One quote that stuck out to me was from Shantara McBride: 

Don’t ask God to agree with me but instead trust Him because He is asking you over and over again to trust Him. 

PROVERBS 3:5-6 tells us: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.

You see, you have to know what is true in God but also what is not true. Galatians talks about how we can take the truth and alter it slightly and it becomes false. Sometimes the truth makes us uncomfortable. When it does, remember that you have to reject that the approval of people is greater than the authority of God.

TRUST in God! Get to know Him and all the truth He has to offer. Spend time with Him. Investing time spent with God is not easy but always worth it. You just have to believe that trusting God and His pursuit of us is worth it.

The bottom line to this post or story is this. I’m not perfect. I struggle with trusting God just as much as the person reading this. The only difference is that even though I do struggle and openly admit it I do know one thing.

WE SERVE A BIG GOD!!!! Even though the hardest times may hit and you don’t understand know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to doubt and question. Just don’t stay that way. You have a choice and I pray you will choose to trust God. I know I am.

Read the Bible in a Year or Not?

One of the goals that I set for myself last year in 2018 was to read the Bible through in a year. I was pretty consistent and kept up with it until about March. Life happened and while that is still no excuse I fell behind and just got discouraged so I gave up. Fast forward to 2019 and I set the same goal again. This year I was determined not to get behind and really keep up with it. I even bought one of the chronological journaling/coloring Bibles to help me stay focused. Well, I managed to keep up for the first month despite getting sick with the flu twice. While it was good, I kept feeling like God was telling me to stop.

Now first off I’d like to say that I’m not out to offend or bash you if you decide to read the Bible through in a year. I think it’s great. Many of my friends do and I support that 100%. However, take into consideration the why behind reading it.

Are you reading the Bible just so you can say you did it and cross it off your list or are you reading the Bible to learn and open your heart to what God has to say and learn? 

My word for the year is INTENTIONAL! I want to have all the right intentions for why I read my Bible. I started feeling like I had to read my Bible just so I can cross it off my list. It was like checking off the box for the day. I wasn’t fully digging deeper and thinking about what I was reading. It’s kinda like just going through the motions because it was the right thing to do. That’s when I heard God speak to me.


Grace, I want you to stop trying to read your Bible through in a year. I want you to start reading it so I can speak and teach you. Stop and pause, write down what you are learning and all the truths I have for you that are in my Word. 


WOW, thank you for bringing this to my attention God! I want to read my Bible because I want to know you more and continue to grow not because I want to check it off my list each day.

If you are wanting to grow and really read your Bible to learn I am going to share with you a few practical tips of what I am doing in hopes that it will encourage you. While each of us will take away different truths from the Bible and what we read here are what I think will help you.

  1. Start with Prayer- Prayer is important and by starting with it we are asking God to open our heart, soul, and mind to what He has for us and how we can learn and grow from what we are reading.
  2. Journal – Be sure you have a journal or some sort of notebook or paper handy. As a writer I love words and by writing it helps me process. Write down questions, verses, or anything that comes to mind while you are reading and studying.
  3. Worship Music – I love having worship music playing in the background. It just helps set the mood. Music speaks to my soul and it just calms me down. Right now I am loving the new album Follow You Anywhere by Passion Music. It’s my jam and pretty much is playing nonstop.
  4. Coffee – Okay you really don’t need coffee but it definitely helps.

While I want to be able to give you 1-2-3 steps and tell you that if you do that it will be easy but I can’t. We are all on our own unique journey of faith. I would love to hear your thoughts about this topic. Feel free to comment or send me a message.

Anthem Worship Night

Hello February, when did you get here? Wasn’t it just January?

The past month has been rough due to getting sick with the flu twice as well as dealing with my chronic health issues. I’m hoping February will be better and I will be healthier. Right now I am still recovering but on the mend.


There’s so much that has been on my mind lately that I have been praying for. Our young adult group Anthem just finished up a 21 day fast and we celebrated with a Worship Night to end the month of January.

Can I just say the worship was soo powerful and The Holy Spirit was definitely moving last night? As I was worshiping and praying for God to meet me there in the moment because I was feeling empty and like I had no more to give. I needed to be renewed and refreshed.

One of my passions is prayer as you know if you’ve been following me for any amount of time. I’m on the prayer team at Anthem and during worship was a prayer partner. One of the best feelings in the world is being able to come alongside someone else and pray for them and with them.

It was then that something very special happened. As I was worshipping and praying a young woman came over to me. She said that she knew that I’m here to pray for others but she felt like God was telling her to come and pray for me. As she was praying over me and speaking into my life I knew it was from God. She was praying things that there was no way she would’ve known about. I mean I have seen her at Anthem before and we are friends on Facebook but never really have had a conversation. God used her last night and it was amazing. Now I have another friend.


I have other things I want to share with you about what God has been speaking to me but I’m gonna save that for another post. This post was meant to express how much Anthem Worship Night really meant to me.