What Ifs, Even Ifs, It’s Okay, & Life

Wow! I can’t believe that the last time I posted was on Memorial Day. This summer is flying by. I really hadn’t intended to take this long of a break. I just wanted you to know that I hadn’t forgotten about you. 

Truth is life has been crazy and rough. I know, you are probably thinking “here we go again”. Yes, I admit that it has been my go-to phrase lately, but I’m not looking for attention or wanting you to feel sorry for me.

If I am honest, sharing this part of my journey and story with you makes me feel very vulnerable. It’s scary sharing personal parts of yourself with others. Truth is God has been working and speaking into my life and I just had to share it with you. 

Many of you know that I struggle with chronic health issues. It’s a part of my life that I share about from time to time. Living with these health issues has taught me a lot. There are so many stages that I’ve gone through. There are so many questions that I have asked God over and over again. I’ve been sad, depressed, hurt, and angry. Questions I’ve demanded an answer that never came left me even more confused. 

It’s taken a lot of time but recently God revealed to me something that changed my whole perspective.

You see there’s a lot of uncertainty in life. More so when you throw chronic health issues on top of that. One thing that I struggle with is the fact that because of my health issues it affects my hormones. I’m on hormone replacement because my body doesn’t make them on my own. If you know anything about hormones then you would know that it can cause all kinds of emotions. Even more so for women. 

I came across this quote. “what if” = fear “even if” = faith ⠀

Wow, what a powerful reminder! That quote right there hit me hard. I don’t know about you but for me, there has been a lot of “what if’s” lately in my life. ⠀

I’ve been in this hard season searching and asking God all my “what if” questions.

What if I never get married?⠀
What if I never have kids? ⠀
Wha if my health is never restored? ⠀
What if I never get a job? ⠀
What if my dreams never come true? ⠀

It occurred to me that all of these questions were my fears of the future and fears of the unknown. The enemy was using these against me. Instead, I need to think that “even if” this happens I still will have faith. ⠀

Even if my dreams don’t come through. ⠀
Even if my health is never restored.⠀
Even if I never get married.⠀
Even if I never have kids. ⠀
Even if my dreams never come true.⠀
Even if I never get a job. ⠀

I will still have faith and trust God. I will still praise and worship Him because He is still good. So I want to encourage you today to start taking those what if’s and turning them into even if’s. Take heart friends, Jesus loves you and He is still good.

If you’ve been following me for a while or know me in person you will know that I am super passionate about being there for everyone else. I have learned that faking being okay is easier than letting people know how you really are feeling.

Well, my friends, God has been slowing revealing to me that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not talking about complaining or always dumping your problems on others. What I am talking about is sometimes being the strong one who’s always there for others sometimes need people to be there for them. Just don’t let it consume you to the point of it defining your purpose or life.

I don’t like complaining or dumping all my problems, fears, desires and life on others. I’d much rather be the one who’s helping others through this life. Call it my stubborn nature lol 😛 you know the type, independent not wanting to admit you need help for fear of getting judged or hurt. That has happened way too many times in my life. More times than I’d like to count.

It wasn’t until recently in the last couple months or so that I started slowly letting people in. God was working on my heart. He was revealing to me that I needed my friends and Him to help walk me through this hard season of life.

Then yesterday at church God confirmed to me that it’s okay not to be okay all the time. During worship as I was singing and praying about all these questions, I went up to the altar to pray. I wasn’t looking for someone to pray with me I was just looking for some time with Jesus.

As I prayed and cried a very sweet friend came to pray with me. It really touched my heart. Her prayer over me just confirmed what God was telling me. He was speaking to me about being more vulnerable and willing to admit I need prayer. Admit that it’s okay to ask others to come alongside you when you are feeling weak and broken down.

It goes back to that quote I shared. The fears of the what-ifs that turn into the faith of even-ifs. They all tie in together. When you take those fears to God and share them with your friends together you can find the faith to endure.

Even if my health isn’t restored I will still praise my God. He is the center of my life. He is still good.

MY WHAT IFS DON’T DEFINE WHO I AM IN HIM!!!!!!

There will be days when I am not okay but you know what? It’s okay!

Blessings, Grace Mae ❤

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